pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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