He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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