i was rollin on her like bob the builder
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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