why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
