Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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