they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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