I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
