If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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