planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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