Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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