It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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