She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
