Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
