we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize