Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
do herpes really smell.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
