If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
