Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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