Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Your cock deserves a montage
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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