i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
