just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
