I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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