Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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