It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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