Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
