brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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