So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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