it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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