I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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