No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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