I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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