Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
