youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
