I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
