I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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