do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
