i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
