I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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