Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
