its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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