I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize