It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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