I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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