everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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