Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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