Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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