Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
