I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
