somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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