she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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