Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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