Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
