Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
