Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
