I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
