it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
