i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
