if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
