I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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