If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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