Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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