Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
