great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
not ubering you a puppy
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
