just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
