can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize