How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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