I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
