well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
