I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
