Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
