The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
